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Irish Wedding
Culture and Traditions
There is one wedding Irish tradition that states: 'Marry in May
and Rue the Day' while another states: 'Marry in April if you can,
joy for maiden and for man'. When I told my daughter about this
Irish superstition, she changed her wedding date so that she'd be
married in April! What began as a search for Irish traditions and
customs that she could incorporate into her celebration ended up
as an incredible pile of notes that eventually took on a life of
its own. Long after her wedding, I was still obsessed with delving
into history and folklore, looking for everything I could find on
how weddings were celebrated in Ireland long ago.
I am convinced that if couples make the effort, they can have a
totally Irish celebration from beginning to end - even to the pre-wedding
parties. There's one quaint custom where the groom was invited to
the bride's house right before the wedding and they cooked a goose
in his honor.
It was called Aitin' the gander ? it has to be where
we get the expression 'his goose is cooked!' We threw one of these
dinner parties for my daughter and everyone had a great time. (The
apple-potato stuffing has become a family favorite!).
There are so many other traditions, customs and just
an incredible amount of folklore to draw upon, that it would be
remiss to be of Irish descent and not take advantage of all the
possibilities.
Here are just a few ideas culled from what eventually
has become a 200-plus page book called 'The Traditional Irish Wedding'
and it is now available in the United States and will be released
in Ireland this spring. As complete as I could make it, the book
covers attire, decor, menus, recipes, music, toasts, vows, and perhaps
of most value, a resource listing that will help you find everything
from Irish wedding gowns and tiaras to sheet music for a Celtic
Mass.
Here are some
more:
- Bunratty Meade is
a honey wine that's served at the Bunratty Castle medieval banquet.
It's from a recipe based on the oldest drink in Ireland and if
you've never tasted it, it's well worth trying. In the old days,
it was consumed at weddings because it was thought that it promoted
virility. (If a baby was born nine months after the wedding, it
was attributed to the mead!) Couples also drank it from special
goblets for a full month following the wedding, which is supposedly
where we get the word honeymoon. This was to protect the couple
from the fairies coming to spirit the bride away.
- Lucky horseshoe. Irish brides
used to carry a real horseshoe for good luck. (Turned up so the
luck won't run out). You can get porcelain horseshoes which most
Irish brides carry these days, or one made of fabric which is
worn on the wrist.
- Magic Hanky. This charming
custom involves having the bride carry a special hanky that with
a few stitches can be turned into a christening bonnet for the
first baby. With a couple of snips it can be turned back into
a hanky that your child can carry on his/her wedding day.
- Make-up bells. The chime of bells
is thought to keep evil spirits away, restore harmony if a couple
is fighting, and also remind a couple of their wedding vows. Giving
a bell as a gift has become an Irish tradition. You could also
have your greeters hand out tiny bells to your guests to ring
as you process. (You might want to let them know when they're
supposed to be rung - perhaps mention it in your program along
with an explanation of the custom). Guests could also ring their
little bells at the reception in lieu of clinking glasses.
- Irish Dancers. Consider hiring
a group of Irish dancers to hand out your programs before the
ceremony. Dressed in their full regalia, it would add a wonderful
touch of pageantry and color. They could also dance at the reception
later. We did this at my daughter's reception and it was a major
hit.
- Music. There's so much wonderful
Irish music available, you'll have no problems in finding appropriate
selections for both the ceremony and the reception. The difficulty
will be in deciding which pieces to play!
Readings: My daughter
had the following Irish wedding vow on the front of her program:
By the power that Christ brought from heaven, mayst
thou love me. As the sun follows its course, mayst thou follow me.
As light to the eye, as bread to the hungry, as joy to the heart,
may thy presence be with me, oh one that I love, 'til death comes
to part us asunder.
On the back of the program, she had this old Irish
proverb: Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk
behind me, I may not lead. Walk beside me and just be my friend.
The Irish Wedding Song. Very popular at contemporary
Irish weddings . We had two friends sing this at my daughter's
reception while the newlyweds cut the cake. (Afterwards I thought
we should have had the lyrics typed up and placed on the tables
so that everyone could join in).
* Flowers. In the old days, many Irish brides wore
a wreath of wildflowers in their hair; they also carried them in
bouquets. For my daughter's wedding, our florist designed gorgeous
bouquets that included a flower called Bells of Ireland. In Wales,
brides carried live myrtle and gave a sprig to each bridesmaid which
they planted. If it grew, the bridesmaid would marry within the
year. If you're planning a more general Celtic celebration, this
might be worth considering.
* Ancient custom: In the old days, couples ate salt
and oatmeal at the beginning of their reception: Each of them took
three mouthfuls as a protection against the power of the evil eye.
Also, when a couple is dancing, the bride can't take both feet off
the floor because the fairies will get the upper hand. Fairies love
beautiful things and one of their favorites is a bride. There's
many an Irish legend about brides being spirited away by the little
people! For the same reason, it's bad luck for a bride to wear green.
I've also heard that it's bad luck for anyone to wear green at an
Irish wedding - but I think it really only applies to the bride.
It's also bad luck for a bride or the groom to sing at their own
wedding.
Portents and Omens:
- A fine day meant good luck, especially if the
sun shone on the bride. If you're a Roman Catholic, one way to
make certain that it won't rain is to put a statue of the Infant
of Prague outside the church before your ceremony.
- It was unlucky to marry on a Saturday.
- Those who married in harvest would spend all their
lives gathering
- A man should always be the first to wish joy to
the bride, never a woman
- It was lucky to hear a cuckoo on the wedding morning,
or to see three magpies
- To meet a funeral on the road meant bad luck and
if there was a funeral procession planned for that day, the wedding
party always took a different road
- The wedding party should always take the longest
road home from the church
- It was bad luck if a glass or cup were broken on
the wedding day
- A bride and groom should never wash their hands
in the same sink at the same time?it's courting disaster if they
do
- It was said to be lucky if you married during a
'growing moon and a flowing tide'
- When leaving the church, someone must throw an
old shoe over the bride's head so she will have good luck
- If the bride's mother-in-law breaks a piece of
wedding cake on the bride's head as she enters the house after
the ceremony, they will be friends for life.
- Many other customs are interspersed throughout
the book, e.g. (from the reception section) the top tier of your
wedding cake should be an Irish whiskey cake which is saved for
the christening of your first baby. I've also heard of another
custom which just came to my attention and will be included in
the next edition: a bottle of champagne is saved from the reception
so that it can be used to 'wet the baby's head' at the christening.
In finally making this book a reality, my hope is
that when he says to you 'would you like to be buried with my people',
or you say to him 'would you like to hang your washing next to mine',
you'll say yes, and then use the suggestions to help you plan an
Irish celebration reflective of your roots and as romantic as your
heritage.
And for all engaged couples and their families
in the midst of pre-wedding chaos, I raise a parting glass: May
all your joys be pure joy and all your pain champagne.
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